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April 2018

Hello everyone, it’s been so long since I have done a post. I think that’s a good thing. The kids are all thriving. Carter is 17 and still loving his friends and sports, Lexi is 16 and got her license last week and has her car so she is happy, Paige is 14 excelling in school and loves cheer, Ryan Mae is 12 she is involved in the youth group at church and was baptized last week by Kaylee one of her youth group leaders (I cried and cried! So proud), Stella is going to be 5 and we are taking her to Disney for her birthday, Elizabeth is almost 3 and is strong willed and has “youngest of 6” written all over her, she runs the show!

I was reflecting all day on what a blessing it is to have these healthy, loving, beautiful children I get to teach, nurture and love. I also was driving through the campus of U of M where we spent the hardest days of our lives almost exactly 6 years ago. While driving yesterday it was raining like it does in April every year and I couldn’t help but have a heavy heart for our Elijah as it brought back all the memories always living under my skin. I looked out our window of Mott into a valley of God’s beautiful trees so many days and prayed and prayed to see my son grow, to see my children play with Elijah, to let me hold my baby. I drove through the valley yesterday and though of our loss.

I also was struggling with the news of one of Carter’s best friends falling very ill. This beautiful young lady is also in the fight for her life. I thought of her and her parents but especially her mom. I remember all the fear, and need for faith and hope, being strong for everyone, and weak when no one could see me, praying relentlessly, being in my knees in the bathroom because it was the only place I could show my weakness. Living minute by minute, praying for each small improvement. Karri, Jeff and Erica we are all praying relentlessly. Erica know how many friends you have who love you.

April is always going to be a struggle and through the struggle God saw me his child and sent me Grace and I promise I see it.

 

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Elizabeth

It has taken a month to finally be able to sit down and write about our newest addition and also out final baby Elizabeth. Elizabeth made her appearance on Mothers Day exactly 4 weeks early.  This was and wasn’t a surprise, just over three weeks before Mothers Day I went into Preterm labor. We were again able to stop and get steroids into me for Elizabeth so she would be born with a better chance and her lungs would be ready.

May 10th (mother’s day) at 2am I woke up and knew something wasn’t right, I moved out of the bedroom to the couch to try and sleep but the contractions wouldn’t stop. I woke up Ron around 8am  and told him I wasn’t feeling well. I thought maybe I’m hungry, so Ron took Stella and I to breakfast. I couldn’t really eat however. We then went to church, at church I knew I was in labor. I sat moving back and fourth until finally I said we need to get the older kids and leave. The whole family jumped in the car and I knew I had one more stop I had to make. My amazing Grandma Parry had been placed in Hospice and I needed to see her one more time. We as a family drove out to the Hospice house to see her. I had been going up daily but I knew her time was close or I was going to be in the hospital. I walked into her room that over looked a large pond and I kissed my Grandma for the last time. I told her I couldn’t have asked for a better Grandma and how thankful I was for her. I then told Ron it was time to go after only 10 minutes. Up to this point I think Ron didn’t believe I was in labor because of all the running around I made him do. If you know Ron and I you know I always drive, however when we walked out to the car I said “you have to drive I can’t concentrate” and that was when everyone in the car realized I was feeling bad. The kids were quite and Ron and I discussed calling Dr Maser as he wasn’t on call. I dialed him and he told me to go to the hospital, and he would come in to deliver me. We packed the car, left Stella with the older kids, and were off. One thing I forgot to mention was my mom woke up with the stomach flu that day and couldn’t help. My mom is always there so this was a shocker.  Ron called his parent’s and told them we were going to the hospital and he would call if we needed them. Fast forward one hour and we were prepped to go into delivery. Ron called My dad and his parents. My dad was prepared and had already left Hospice to come be with us he also called my sister to come. Ron’s parents went to get the kids and we were off headed into have our last baby.

At 5:52pm on Sunday May 10th, 2015 I received the most awesome Mothers Day present Elizabeth Ruth Charlene Farhat was born, healthy! She came out with a dark brown full head of hair and looked like Elijah! Both Ron and I couldn’t believe it. I cried with happiness as they swaddled Elizabeth and let Ron bring her to me. She weighed 5lbs 15ozs and was 19 1/2 inches long.

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We ended up adding Ruth to Elizabeth’s name. It was my Grandmas name and she was named after her grandmothers so it was only fitting to name her also after her great grandma too. On one of the final days with my grandma at hospice I told her we were going to add her name as a middle name and she said “how special”.  My grandma passed the day after Elizabeth was born. I have had no words to describe this loss for our family but know she is with her husband, son, and Elijah now.

The family is doing awesome Stella loves Elizabeth and calls her “my baby”. As I hold this beautiful perfect little angel I know I am truly blessed with an amazing family.

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April 30th 3 years later

On April 30th 3 years ago today we lost are beautiful and strong son Elijah. As I sit awake again tonight at 4 AM not able to sleep, I am brought back to that battle. Wow, has it really been three years all ready? Some-days the hurt still feels like it was yesterday. I wonder will it always be like this? Recently there has been a lot going on in our lives. Stella turned two, the year mark on losing Quinn, watching my grandma who I speak about often age, work, being very pregnant, and revisiting April the month I birthed and loss Elijah. It is a lot! This is not a complaint this is a reflection of a month that takes a toll on me. It’s a month where I live daily in God and his healing power. I still cry every week at church. I listen to Noel speak and I sing praise music and I am utterly amazed still by the sacrifice God made with his son, for me and my sin. April is the time of year this is so strong in my heart. The month starts by celebrating Easter and everything we learn, and it is also when I myself, lost her son. Wrapping my head and my heart around this is so emotionally overwhelming. I feel like I know how hard it is to lose a child, especially one that is fighting and has a pure heart. I cry at church because I feel I can understand a little of what God had to watch and do to forgive us and I am ashamed in myself and man and amazed by his love. I am so thankful and ask that God holds Elijah today for me and I want to let him know, he has brought me closer than ever to him and my heavenly father.

Elijah I still have never met another I could be so proud of, I think of you daily and see you in every ray of sun. I feel your warmth wrap around me and I let if fill me. I love you deeply. Thank you God for showing me yourself in Elijah!

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One of the worlds greatest Uncles

As a little girl, I had a fairy tail child hood I have spoke about it time and time again. During that time I was fortunate enough to have an extremely close extended family, we vacationed and camped together, we were together nearly every weekend, and we made amazing memories. The bond that existed between My dad and his family was amazing and it truly taught me how to love at a different level. My dad is best friends with his two brothers and was the middle of them making us very close to both. The family was raised with a love for nature and especially fishing. Many of our family outings were going to Ludington were we would camp and the brothers would fish all morning then come back at lunch and we would swim, have camp fires and play as a family. We had many laughs and most were lead by my Uncle Tim. He was the entertainer of the family, he even chose a profession that fit in with this personality, he very often lead the family in jokes. I have so many memories of my Uncle playing jokes on people or video taping interviews with his kids, nieces and nephews. He had the first video camera and loved using it. I also had the privilege to be able to have Uncle Tim as a high school teacher. Many of you may know him as the amazing talented Band Director for Holt Tim Parry. Last night as word came in that my Uncle Tim was not doing well after a long battle with his Kidneys, and the fact he had contracted a Bacteria which was killing him by infecting his whole body my thoughts turned to all the amazing times I was fortunate to share with him. On January 5th my parents had once again traveled with Tim and Ann for three weeks to Florida to escape the cold of Michigan and so Tim and Dad could do some fishing. Little did anyone know that this is where Tim would be in for the fight of his life after just a few days of vacation. Any way back to last night I laid in my bed all night not sleeping but thinking and praying for my Uncle. As my mind would start to pray I would immediately go to a favorite memory of mine and they were all having to do with Uncle Tim.

This morning I reached out to mom to see if there had been any changes and she had heard nothing yet. After 30 minutes I received the heart breaking news that my beloved Uncle had lost his fight. His Wife, and children Leanne and Michael were with him as well as my dad. There are no words for the sorrow and grief everyone has in the family currently. But again I thought if only the world knew what an enormous loss this was. I guarantee if you Knew Tim you had a hilarious story involving him. My girls have known how sick Uncle Tim has been for a week and cried all last night and this morning before school because of the fear of losing such a pivotal part of our family they were drawn to tears. They were also close to Tim as he lived just down the streets from Grandma and Grandpa and they were able to visit him a lot. As I was trying to comfort the girls I started to tell funny stories to them “Do you remember the story when Uncle Tim” and I told story after story and Had a hundred more I could have shared.

I thought maybe that was the best way to share his life with you all. Parry’s do you remember being in Ludington at Lamens Landing and invading the swimming pool? My dad and Uncles were doing tricks off the diving board and we were all roaring with laughter, when Uncle Tim decided he was going to dive through his daughter Leanne’s little floating inter-tube. No one thought this was possible, he went up in a grand dive and a huge wave swept the pool pushing us back. He had taken on the tube and did make it almost all the way through., when he emerged from the water the tube was around his waist still and he had popped it. We all laughed so hard except for Leanne who was devastated her dad had broke her ring and stood crying. Or Do you remember the story of poor smokey the cat? Or the story of planting hot dogs under tents? Most recently while at my Uncle Tim’s for the MSU’s big win in the Cotton Bowl game did you hear the CVS message? Or if you were in Band do you remember the story of the “family that plays together stays together”? Wow there are so many more hilarious and fun stories. If you have a story and would love to leave a comment we encourage you to do so, or if you heard one of the stories listed or had the privileged of being part of it you also are dealing with a large loss. I am privileged to have this amazing man in my life for all that was taught and all the times he made me smile and laugh. I was loved by a great man and will never forget hearing him play his trumpet and dancing all night when he was playing with J&J sounds, or singing out on his boat  to the band Chicago or Build me up Buttercup or Rawhide. I wish I could have hugged you Uncle Tim and told you all you meant to me and how lucky I am to have had you in my life. A great void will forever be in our family, but we all know you are in a better place.

A memorial service is being held February 8th at 1:00pm. It will take place at Eagle Eye Golf Course located at 15500 Chandler Rd. Bath MI 48808.

Also an Alumni band is getting together, if you would like more information email me at Terafarhat@hotmail.com or go to: http://www.facebook.com/events/802415073140469/?ref_newsfeed_story_type=regular

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Elizabeth Charlene

Here we go again! I am thrilled to announce to those of you who haven’t heard that our family is expecting another baby. I have made it through my first trimester again and anxiously awaiting our new little girls arrival in late spring. We found out last week we are having another little girl and her name is Elizabeth Charlene.

Ron and I have decided on this name after both of her Grandma’s. But also after out last church service at Riverview it was very clear. Noel started the series on a Christmas story and the first service was told from Luke 1. The passage read. 11Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. 12When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. 13But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. 14He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, 15for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even before he is born. 16He will bring back many of the people of Israel to the Lord their God. 17And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the parents to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.” I am sure after reading this you can see why this beautiful name means so much to us.

I only and telling people now because if you see me you will know 🙂 but also because we are starting our big tests and really need some prayers and positive thoughts coming in our direction. The kids are all excited, Ryan thanks me everyday for having another baby because her life is so special since Stella joined and she feels so much love! What special words for such sweet girl.

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Blooming Babies

I have a weight on my heart as of late that is hard to describe. I never know when this weight is going to come and when it will leave. I am sure this weight comes with the knowledge of what was to be my due date for Quinn Rose is approaching.

After I lost Quinn in the spring I planted a Quinn Rose Garden to accompany Elijah’s Butterfly Garden. I walked out back yesterday thinking of the loss of my two beautiful heart babies and saw the most amazing rose blooming bush is shades of pink and it made me think of Quinn blooming in God’s Garden. My soul is at peace but that doesn’t take away some of the longing to hold my babies. Today Stella and I danced to Son of God in the living room when she woke up and it brought tears to my eyes. I was so thankful to be holding her so tight and seeing the joy in her eyes dancing with me. Stella is my Grace.

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On a different note Stella learned to walk FINALLY about two weeks ago. She is now non stop and little miss independent. She is so funny I have never seen a child more moved by music and dance honestly. She feels the beat of every song she hears and sings along swaying her head and dancing to the beat. I know why, while she was in my womb I sang to her constantly and played her music through her baby buds on my belly all day. I wish you could see her it is so amazing and funny. I will leave you with some sweet pictures!

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Please don’t take Zofran/Ondansetron while pregnant!!!!

I have been sitting back and wondering how to write this post. All I want to say at this point is please do your research on Zofran or the generic Ondansetron before taking it!!!! There is new research out saying that this product given to women who suffer from extreme morning sickness/ nausea/vomiting is shown to have a link to Congenital heart defect if taken before 10 weeks gestation. If you don’t trust me the Ob.GYN.News released this study and sent out information to OBGYN’s to let them know. Please read this article  Ondansetron: New and troubling data  : OBGYN News

I am speechless as I have been on this medication for all three of my most recent babies prior to the 10 week mark. I only share this as we also just got the information back that Quinn also had the same congenital heart defect as Elijah. The chances of Quinn or any of our babies getting the same diagnosis is small like 2%. I am in the pharmaceutical industry for work and had a representative have me research this after finding out about having another baby with the same diagnosis. I again have no words except please don’t use this product! I am heart broken to say the least.

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A new day

I finally am home after a nightmare of a week. You all know how it started finding out on Monday that our baby girl had passed. On Tuesday we checked in for induction and delivery of the baby. I had to deliver being to far along for just getting a D&C. After 28 hours of contractions I finally delivered the baby on Thursday April 24th. The medicine they gave me made me terribly sick throwing up and other terrible digestive issues. Then at 24 hours they stopped the medicine to help me contact and  to give my body and my soul a break they wanted me to be able to sleep and we would restart on  Thursday morning. They had given me the maximum doses of the induction medicine but my body was resisting letting Quinn come.  I lay in my bed still having contractions even though the medicine was stopped and cried and asked for God to help me. To bring Ron and I peace. My sister and Ron never left my room afraid they would miss it. The doctors said when it would finally happen it would happen very quickly. My sister headed home after being at the hospital for hours with us for support, she needed to sleep for the night since they stopped the meds, we felt this was the right time for her to go. Ron had fallen asleep and I was alone with God pleading like I have many times in my life. Finally Jennifer one of my nurses came in to check on me and she decided she needed to give me something to sleep. She put the medicine in my IV and I prayed one last time before I drifted off. I woke up about an hour later and realized I was laying in a pool of blood. I called the nurse and woke up Ron afraid. They came in and in the middle of the night I delivered Quinn finally it was peaceful. I cried as Ron held my hand. We saw our baby and had her baptized/blessed. I was a little confused about this since I knew her soul was already gone. It was incredible to see this little angel she had the tiniest toes and fingers, the vision will never be gone from my mind. She looked perfect to me, her eyes were closed and her ear was just bigger than a letter on this page I write. Again though I know something went wrong in Quinn’s development but she looked perfect on the outside. After a few hours of tears and getting Quinn and myself cleaned up they laid me back down to sleep as I only had a few hours of sleep since Tuesday. I cried myself to sleep.

I again woke up an hour later again laying in a pool of blood. Was this normal I thought??? Ron called the nurse in and she realized I was bleeding out. They gave me medicine to stop the blood but it just kept coming 5 hours later and two shots to stop the bleeding they finally came in and told Ron they were taking me to surgery. They couldn’t figure out why I was bleeding and they needed to take a look. 20 minutes later I was heading into surgery and my sister had arrived back to the hospital just in time to hug me and sit with Ron as they waited. There was a chance with the bleeding and surgery that they may have to do a hysterectomy I did not want this. I told the doctor that was the last option. That was the last thing I remembered. I woke up in recovery yesterday and the first words out of my mouth was did they have to do a hysterectomy and nurse said no. I was relieved and thanked God then fell back under my sleep potion.

Almost everything that could go wrong did but we made it through. We just got home and I am relieved to start moving forward again. I know they say pain makes you grow and appreciate things, however I want to say I have had enough for a long time, let me heal my heart Heavenly father. Let me rejoice in my husband, children, and family.

I know a lot of you were wondering about Quinn. U of M fetal pathology came to get Quinn and do an autopsy so we may get some answers. but they said it can take up to 2 months to get the results. After they are done with Quinn she will be buried in the Arboretum gardens and her name will be hung.

Please we need prayers for healing and understanding and I have read many books about heaven and I believe Elijah has his little sister and is holding her. This brings me peace.

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A Sad Day

It wasn’t but two weeks ago that I shared with my friends and family the news of our newest addition that was going to be joining us in early fall. We found out at that time that we were having a baby girl that was clear of many chromosomal abnormalities. We named our newest addition Quinn Rose. We were thrilled with this news and just awaiting her heart scan. Fast forward two weeks later and I was going to my normal appointment. I dropped Lexi off at school and Stella and I ventured into Lansing for our standard easy appointment. The office was happy to see Stella and I.  Ron, Wendy or my mom did not  join me because it was just going to be in and out quick. That was until Dr Maser checked for a heart beat. Stella was sitting next to me as the Dr scanned and scanned and scanned we heard only my heart beat. My chest started to get heavy with each passing second, I said to Dr Maser you know you have to scan me and he said yes. He took me into Glenna, the ultra sound tech and we again placed Stella on my side and started the scan. Dr Maser stayed the whole time until we realized Quinn had no heart beat. I could see a perfectly form little baby and no heart beating. I turned and said she has no heart beat he asked Glenna to do a couple different looks and still nothing. Two perfectly formed arms, two legs just no heart beat. I told the doctor I needed to call someone I was alone and Stella was beginning to feel my broken heart. She was beginning to cry. Dr Maser placed me in the same room I received the bad news about Eli and he stepped out to arrange things while I had time to call Ron and pulled myself together the best I could. Stella was having a hard time so I couldn’t be upset so I could calm her down. I prayed and told God I trust him and know he knows what is best. Dr Maser stepped back in and we went over my options.

I have pondered all day how do I tell everyone that I lost our baby after just posting to you all. I was in my 2nd trimester and had a lot of the testing back so I felt I was safe to share.  My friend suggested I write hear and post it. If you read it you will know and if you don’t than that is fine as well. It was an exciting week with Stella’s first birthday and also a sad week with it being the anniversary of Eli and now we have another loss just so sad.

I do want to thank God for our perfect daughter and children. I will always be thankful for the gifts I have received and rejoice in the fact that God has many rooms!

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Son Of God

Today has just been one of those days that I have thought of my beautiful little Elijah a lot. The weather outside here is gloomy and rainy, spring is getting ready to dawn. I was busy all day with work and the kids. still over and over I found myself singing Son Of God in my head. This song is so beautiful but it still haunts me deep in my soul. I am once again brought back to time in my life that will never leave, that has become part of who I am and how I am. I can no longer go to church without crying. I am not crying because of anger but crying because I know this is when I am closest to my angel Elijah and my heavenly father. The song says “I lay down and rest because I work no longer. I breathe in  refreshed,  no more soil and disgrace. I look up to him to whom I am kneeling and I see delight, there in my fathers face.” This verse makes me think of the moment I felt Elijah take his last breath. I picture Elijah taking his first deep breath in God’s arms and it brings peace and comfort.  I think of how hard this little boy worked to stay and fight but how relieved he was to fight no longer. The next verse says “I fight no longer, there be right or good or prove my own worth. I’m not driven, or pushed or weighed down with duty but filled with relief of what Christ did for me.” Wow these words haunt me the most because I now.  I as Elijah’s mom expected so much out of my little one and let him suffer probably too long.

I am not writing for any reason except for you mothers out there who have read this blog and are going through similar situations, or for those of you who have lost a loved one to say, we remember everyday . Some days are stronger than others and some days are less but it is everyday. I had a friend ask me how often I think of Elijah every second, every minute, every hour, or every day. My answer was all of the above it just depends on the day. The memories are still sad but filled with so much love and emotion. Every night I pray with Stella and we pray about Elijah. We pray that he knows we love him and he is our hero. I just remember the lyrics that say “I’m an heir, I’m adopted my brother is Jesus, I’m a son of God, and my soul is a peace.” I thank you God for this!

 

Again a reminder that I do not proof read due to emotions.

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March 27, 2014 · 10:53 pm