Monthly Archives: April 2015

April 30th 3 years later

On April 30th 3 years ago today we lost are beautiful and strong son Elijah. As I sit awake again tonight at 4 AM not able to sleep, I am brought back to that battle. Wow, has it really been three years all ready? Some-days the hurt still feels like it was yesterday. I wonder will it always be like this? Recently there has been a lot going on in our lives. Stella turned two, the year mark on losing Quinn, watching my grandma who I speak about often age, work, being very pregnant, and revisiting April the month I birthed and loss Elijah. It is a lot! This is not a complaint this is a reflection of a month that takes a toll on me. It’s a month where I live daily in God and his healing power. I still cry every week at church. I listen to Noel speak and I sing praise music and I am utterly amazed still by the sacrifice God made with his son, for me and my sin. April is the time of year this is so strong in my heart. The month starts by celebrating Easter and everything we learn, and it is also when I myself, lost her son. Wrapping my head and my heart around this is so emotionally overwhelming. I feel like I know how hard it is to lose a child, especially one that is fighting and has a pure heart. I cry at church because I feel I can understand a little of what God had to watch and do to forgive us and I am ashamed in myself and man and amazed by his love. I am so thankful and ask that God holds Elijah today for me and I want to let him know, he has brought me closer than ever to him and my heavenly father.

Elijah I still have never met another I could be so proud of, I think of you daily and see you in every ray of sun. I feel your warmth wrap around me and I let if fill me. I love you deeply. Thank you God for showing me yourself in Elijah!

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