Monthly Archives: April 2014

A new day

I finally am home after a nightmare of a week. You all know how it started finding out on Monday that our baby girl had passed. On Tuesday we checked in for induction and delivery of the baby. I had to deliver being to far along for just getting a D&C. After 28 hours of contractions I finally delivered the baby on Thursday April 24th. The medicine they gave me made me terribly sick throwing up and other terrible digestive issues. Then at 24 hours they stopped the medicine to help me contact and  to give my body and my soul a break they wanted me to be able to sleep and we would restart on  Thursday morning. They had given me the maximum doses of the induction medicine but my body was resisting letting Quinn come.  I lay in my bed still having contractions even though the medicine was stopped and cried and asked for God to help me. To bring Ron and I peace. My sister and Ron never left my room afraid they would miss it. The doctors said when it would finally happen it would happen very quickly. My sister headed home after being at the hospital for hours with us for support, she needed to sleep for the night since they stopped the meds, we felt this was the right time for her to go. Ron had fallen asleep and I was alone with God pleading like I have many times in my life. Finally Jennifer one of my nurses came in to check on me and she decided she needed to give me something to sleep. She put the medicine in my IV and I prayed one last time before I drifted off. I woke up about an hour later and realized I was laying in a pool of blood. I called the nurse and woke up Ron afraid. They came in and in the middle of the night I delivered Quinn finally it was peaceful. I cried as Ron held my hand. We saw our baby and had her baptized/blessed. I was a little confused about this since I knew her soul was already gone. It was incredible to see this little angel she had the tiniest toes and fingers, the vision will never be gone from my mind. She looked perfect to me, her eyes were closed and her ear was just bigger than a letter on this page I write. Again though I know something went wrong in Quinn’s development but she looked perfect on the outside. After a few hours of tears and getting Quinn and myself cleaned up they laid me back down to sleep as I only had a few hours of sleep since Tuesday. I cried myself to sleep.

I again woke up an hour later again laying in a pool of blood. Was this normal I thought??? Ron called the nurse in and she realized I was bleeding out. They gave me medicine to stop the blood but it just kept coming 5 hours later and two shots to stop the bleeding they finally came in and told Ron they were taking me to surgery. They couldn’t figure out why I was bleeding and they needed to take a look. 20 minutes later I was heading into surgery and my sister had arrived back to the hospital just in time to hug me and sit with Ron as they waited. There was a chance with the bleeding and surgery that they may have to do a hysterectomy I did not want this. I told the doctor that was the last option. That was the last thing I remembered. I woke up in recovery yesterday and the first words out of my mouth was did they have to do a hysterectomy and nurse said no. I was relieved and thanked God then fell back under my sleep potion.

Almost everything that could go wrong did but we made it through. We just got home and I am relieved to start moving forward again. I know they say pain makes you grow and appreciate things, however I want to say I have had enough for a long time, let me heal my heart Heavenly father. Let me rejoice in my husband, children, and family.

I know a lot of you were wondering about Quinn. U of M fetal pathology came to get Quinn and do an autopsy so we may get some answers. but they said it can take up to 2 months to get the results. After they are done with Quinn she will be buried in the Arboretum gardens and her name will be hung.

Please we need prayers for healing and understanding and I have read many books about heaven and I believe Elijah has his little sister and is holding her. This brings me peace.

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A Sad Day

It wasn’t but two weeks ago that I shared with my friends and family the news of our newest addition that was going to be joining us in early fall. We found out at that time that we were having a baby girl that was clear of many chromosomal abnormalities. We named our newest addition Quinn Rose. We were thrilled with this news and just awaiting her heart scan. Fast forward two weeks later and I was going to my normal appointment. I dropped Lexi off at school and Stella and I ventured into Lansing for our standard easy appointment. The office was happy to see Stella and I.  Ron, Wendy or my mom did not  join me because it was just going to be in and out quick. That was until Dr Maser checked for a heart beat. Stella was sitting next to me as the Dr scanned and scanned and scanned we heard only my heart beat. My chest started to get heavy with each passing second, I said to Dr Maser you know you have to scan me and he said yes. He took me into Glenna, the ultra sound tech and we again placed Stella on my side and started the scan. Dr Maser stayed the whole time until we realized Quinn had no heart beat. I could see a perfectly form little baby and no heart beating. I turned and said she has no heart beat he asked Glenna to do a couple different looks and still nothing. Two perfectly formed arms, two legs just no heart beat. I told the doctor I needed to call someone I was alone and Stella was beginning to feel my broken heart. She was beginning to cry. Dr Maser placed me in the same room I received the bad news about Eli and he stepped out to arrange things while I had time to call Ron and pulled myself together the best I could. Stella was having a hard time so I couldn’t be upset so I could calm her down. I prayed and told God I trust him and know he knows what is best. Dr Maser stepped back in and we went over my options.

I have pondered all day how do I tell everyone that I lost our baby after just posting to you all. I was in my 2nd trimester and had a lot of the testing back so I felt I was safe to share.  My friend suggested I write hear and post it. If you read it you will know and if you don’t than that is fine as well. It was an exciting week with Stella’s first birthday and also a sad week with it being the anniversary of Eli and now we have another loss just so sad.

I do want to thank God for our perfect daughter and children. I will always be thankful for the gifts I have received and rejoice in the fact that God has many rooms!

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