Faith

I know it was only last week I wrote for Thanksgiving and here I am so soon with another post, crazy :). As I was sitting this morning eating my shredded wheat the phone rang and I saw it was “Maser’s Office”, if you forgot Dr Maser is my OBGYN and has been a part of every pregnancy in my life and is really starting to feel like family. However my heart started beating faster because I knew he had test results from my last blood work. We were testing for Neural Tube defects. As I heard Lisa his MA say “Tera we got the results”I found it impossible to speak (another crazy scenario I know), and time seemed to stand still. I had enough time to think in my head, Oh God please let Stella be OK, please don’t let Lisa have bad news. My heart was pounding and the ever familiar feeling of my throat constricting and  tightening of my chest. Then she said it “you tested negative for any Neural Tube defects”. I almost cried instantly but held it back and instead was just so relieved and thankful for yet more good news.  I told Lisa how nervous/scared I was and I think we were both thinking how relieved we were to have this news.

Two months ago I had made an unexpected trip to Dr Maser because I have had spotting from the beginning with Stella. He always has me come in and run a scan to make sure all is well, so far so good! This day two months ago as my sister Wendy and I sit together in the “room of doom” as I call it, due to the fact it was were I was told Elijah had a Cystic Hygroma and my life was changed forever. Dr Maser said this is an appointment of good news, we are going to have “Good news only today!”. Will I ever feel good news is going to happen again, or am I really changed that much?

Five years ago I was given a gift from my sister and I know many of you may have seen me wear it, it is my “Faith Necklace”. This necklace has brought me peace in many situations were I have felt loss or like my life was out of control. It is a reminder to me to have faith that God is working in my favor. I might not realize it in the situation but I will in the end. When I was admitted to U of M for preterm labor with Elijah it was unexpected and I was not packed and didn’t have my necklace. The day after Elijah suffered his heart attack at two days old my sister asked me where my necklace was knowing I needed to be reminded of my “Faith”, I called my mom and asked her to find it and bring it to me. When she brought it that evening I went into the private bathroom in the hospital 30 feet from Elijah’s bed and locked myself in. I placed the necklace on and got down on my knees and prayed “Please God, you know what is best and though I want Elijah for myself, I have Faith you are all knowing and I trust you” I sat back on my knees with my heels in my butt and my head in my hands, and the peace filled me. I felt strong and ready to be lead. I spoke of naming Stella, Faith because of this necklace but in the end didn’t want to make Stella a picture of my Faith because that comes from with in me.

Stella Grace, Elijah and my necklace, pictures that show my Faith