I have made it to the 2nd trimester, the so called trimester to “enjoy and relax”. That is what all the books and websites say at least. For me the 2nd trimester is still accompanied by the never ending nausea, throwing up, massive headaches, and heart burn already. The part of the second trimester that I love is the peace of mind with test results coming back good for our baby girl so far, the anticipation and joy I get when I can feel our little miracle move inside me, my swelling stomach that is becoming more defined and not just making me look heavy.
We have picked out a name for our daughter. After thinking about the names Hope, Faith, Delilah, and Veronica we have come up with a name that encompasses where we are at in our life and journey. We have decided to name our daughter Stella Grace. Stella means star and Grace means favor, blessing, A virtue name referring to God’s grace. I think we all can see why this means so much. I feel as though God has given me the favor or blessing of another little star, with his never ending love for us.
We have our very own shinning little blessing growing inside of me and I can feels God’s favor everyday.
I have been thinking about Elijah a lot in the past few days, this is not new as I have never went for a day without thinking of this amazing little man. However what is different is the sadness it has brought me over the last two days. I sit back and wonder what is different? What is triggering this grief? Is it carrying Stella, is it the births of several friends babies? I realize it is just life and mourning. My friend Sarah had their baby boy last week after having a baby with HLHS, who fought his fight and made it through. She sent me a text that said “She forgot how easy it all can be 😉 Can’t wait for you to have the same experience”. I know with God’s favor this will happen, however it doesn’t change the fact that I would have fought to the end for Elijah. I’m hoping with this entry to the blog I can move forward and know my feeling are valid and just.