Monthly Archives: November 2012

Faith

I know it was only last week I wrote for Thanksgiving and here I am so soon with another post, crazy :). As I was sitting this morning eating my shredded wheat the phone rang and I saw it was “Maser’s Office”, if you forgot Dr Maser is my OBGYN and has been a part of every pregnancy in my life and is really starting to feel like family. However my heart started beating faster because I knew he had test results from my last blood work. We were testing for Neural Tube defects. As I heard Lisa his MA say “Tera we got the results”I found it impossible to speak (another crazy scenario I know), and time seemed to stand still. I had enough time to think in my head, Oh God please let Stella be OK, please don’t let Lisa have bad news. My heart was pounding and the ever familiar feeling of my throat constricting and  tightening of my chest. Then she said it “you tested negative for any Neural Tube defects”. I almost cried instantly but held it back and instead was just so relieved and thankful for yet more good news.  I told Lisa how nervous/scared I was and I think we were both thinking how relieved we were to have this news.

Two months ago I had made an unexpected trip to Dr Maser because I have had spotting from the beginning with Stella. He always has me come in and run a scan to make sure all is well, so far so good! This day two months ago as my sister Wendy and I sit together in the “room of doom” as I call it, due to the fact it was were I was told Elijah had a Cystic Hygroma and my life was changed forever. Dr Maser said this is an appointment of good news, we are going to have “Good news only today!”. Will I ever feel good news is going to happen again, or am I really changed that much?

Five years ago I was given a gift from my sister and I know many of you may have seen me wear it, it is my “Faith Necklace”. This necklace has brought me peace in many situations were I have felt loss or like my life was out of control. It is a reminder to me to have faith that God is working in my favor. I might not realize it in the situation but I will in the end. When I was admitted to U of M for preterm labor with Elijah it was unexpected and I was not packed and didn’t have my necklace. The day after Elijah suffered his heart attack at two days old my sister asked me where my necklace was knowing I needed to be reminded of my “Faith”, I called my mom and asked her to find it and bring it to me. When she brought it that evening I went into the private bathroom in the hospital 30 feet from Elijah’s bed and locked myself in. I placed the necklace on and got down on my knees and prayed “Please God, you know what is best and though I want Elijah for myself, I have Faith you are all knowing and I trust you” I sat back on my knees with my heels in my butt and my head in my hands, and the peace filled me. I felt strong and ready to be lead. I spoke of naming Stella, Faith because of this necklace but in the end didn’t want to make Stella a picture of my Faith because that comes from with in me.

Stella Grace, Elijah and my necklace, pictures that show my Faith

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Thanksgiving

Yesterday while I was working an idea popped into my head, as I was thinking about how thankful I was for such amazing children. You see I was looking over their report cards and before I knew it I had a lump in my throat. Every one of the kids had received outstanding marks in personal behavior, social development, work habits, listening and sharing ideas. I read phrases from the teachers about what a “pleasure it was to have them in class”, “demonstrates a hard work ethic”, “spreads joy”, “Outstanding citizenship”, “interacts well with classmates”, “Leader”…etc. As a parent I love to see “A’s” of course or the number “5” or “exceeds expectations”, however what moves me the most is that we are raising kids with love, respect, discipline, honor, rules and good morals. This is the area I think shapes us the most. I began to cry as I thought about all we/they have been through a divorce of their parents at a young age, a remarriage and merge of family, disease diagnosis, the loss of a sibling. I use to feel guilt for all the kids have been through in their young lives but yesterday that somehow changed and began to see to that yes they had been through so much but it has made them better people. Yes as a parent we hate when our kids are sad and never wish this, however that is the time for growth. Showing love to one another, not giving in to a rule or making an exception because they had it rough, teaching respect to you and one another, showing dedication and what hard work looks like. These are lessons that every day I work on with myself, bettering myself. I pray to learn and listen to others; I pray that my family feels my love and dedication to them and our community, I share stories of other families that struggle and we pray for those in need. After so much though and happy tears yesterday I decided last night to have the kids sit down and write 20 things they were most thankful for.

Carter wrote he is most thankful for his family, friends, food, water, house …etc. Some of the most moving one for me on his list were Hospitals and doctors that take care of Paige and mom, and took care of Eli.

Paige wrote she was thankful for her family, friends, house, water, air…etc. The part that was awesome about Paige was she is most grateful for love, life, and of course her red hair. This out of the child that is ill, her disease has taught her to value her life even more and not to take it for granted.

Ryan wrote she is thankful for her  mom, Ron, Dad, Paige, Carter, Izzo, Grandma, Grandpa, cousins, her friend Max and Katie…you get the picture…haha. However at the end she wrote she was thankful for having fun, school, her teachers, and the police.

I wanted to write was I was thankful for.

  1. My faith, where would I be without this?
  2. My husband who loves me unconditionally, and will always let me cry on his chest. He is the best listener, and doesn’t judge. He makes me feel safe. He is also sooo handsome!
  3. My children, who are my greatest gift! They challenge me to be better daily, they love freely, they bring so much joy that my heart is overflowing.
  4. My precious Elijah, who I carried in me for almost 36 weeks and bonded then but also for the most memorable 12 days I have ever had. I am thankful for this time and what I was taught.Elijah you were the strongest person I have ever known
  5. My parents, they raised me in the safest environment where every day I was loved, I could be free, I could learn, but I had rules. I strive daily to raise my children with my own childhood in mind.
  6. My friends, you listen, you hold my hand, we laugh, we cry!
  7. God’s grace, I have Stella Grace growing inside me because of this. I feel the love and hope that comes from this. It pushes me forward.
  8. Doctors and staff. There are too many of you to name. You work daily to save lives. You keep Paige and Stella growing, not to mention healing us all. You show us compassion and you try to save lives but when you can’t you are honest and graceful.
  9. My In-laws, You have welcomed all of us with seamless transition. You were there for us when we needed you; you provide us strength, and love.
  10. My Siblings, this is one is where I have a hard time saying all I feel. I feel the greatest support. Love and comfort knowing you are there for me.
  11. My job, I have a job I love with the best boss and team I could ask for. It is flexible and always changing keeping me thinking and never bored.
  12. My Grandma, she has been such an amazing teacher and woman to have as an example. She raised a family that is full of heart that is caring and dedicated to each other.
  13. My nieces and nephews, who bring me joy and a warm my heart.
  14. My entire family!

My list could go on but I think you got the picture.  Have a happy Thanksgiving and remember all you have to be thankful for.

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Stella Grace

I have made it to the 2nd trimester, the so called trimester to “enjoy and relax”. That is what all the books and websites say at least. For me the 2nd trimester is still accompanied by the never ending nausea, throwing up, massive headaches, and heart burn already. The part of the second trimester that I love is the peace of mind with test results coming back good for our baby girl so far, the anticipation and joy I get when I can feel our little miracle move inside me, my swelling stomach that is becoming more defined and not just making me look heavy.

We have picked out a name for our daughter. After thinking about the names Hope, Faith, Delilah, and Veronica we have come up with a name that encompasses where we are at in our life and journey. We have decided to name our daughter Stella Grace. Stella means star and  Grace  means favor, blessing, A virtue name referring to God’s grace. I think we all can see why this means so much. I feel as though God has given me the favor or blessing of another little star, with his never ending love for us.

We have our very own shinning little blessing growing inside of me and I can feels God’s favor everyday.

I have been thinking about Elijah a lot in the past few days, this is not new as I have never went for a day without thinking of this amazing little man. However what is different is the sadness it has brought me over the last two days. I sit back and wonder what is different? What is triggering this grief? Is it carrying Stella, is it the births of several friends babies? I realize it is just life and mourning. My friend Sarah had their baby boy last week after having a baby with HLHS, who fought his fight and made it through. She sent me a text that said “She forgot how easy it all can be 😉 Can’t wait for you to have the same experience”. I know with God’s favor this will happen, however it doesn’t change the fact that I would have fought to the end for Elijah. I’m hoping with this entry to the blog I can move forward and know my feeling are valid and just.

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The month of excitment!

Well August started with a bang! Carter started football 5 days a week, I started a new job, family vacation, and a new life was growing and I didn’t even know yet. We were on our family vacation with all the kids and Ron’s family when I had the first “sign”. It wasn’t that I was late or anything was wrong it was an app I had on my phone. I downloaded a few months earlier while playing with the girls at my friend Mary Jo’s house it’s called “I Predict”. We the family and I were all having it read our fortunes, the phone was passed to me from Lexi and I tapped it and read “You’re pregnant. Congratulations!” I though wow maybe I am and everything started to feel different. I showed Ron, the kids, Pat, Cherri, I texted it to Mary Jo. I thought, I am! Also I though and this baby is stuck good after all the roller coasters I had rode two days prior 🙂

Image

It was just two weeks after our vacation ended that I took the pregnancy test. Ron had asked me not to because he said I was just wasting one. However I waited until the next morning and I was right. Within 30 seconds I saw the word “pregnant”!!!! I called Ron at work and he didn’t believe me so I sent the picture of the pregnancy test. He said It’s a girl, I know it! Guess what he was right!!!!!

We are expecting a GIRL!

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