Time

It has been a very long time since I last posted and it is because it is summer and we are busy, which is a good thing! The kids are home with me and we are swimming, jet skiing, traveling to the grand parents, going to the lake, having a lot of sleep overs, riding bikes, walking the dog, writing book reports, doing summer math, getting geared up for the Olympics, and enjoying every part of summer. I have gone back to work and I am working from home now. I am still with my same company and very happy for my new opportunity. It seems perfect.

I am writing because it seems like in just the last week I have been asked by many of my friends “How are you doing, I am thinking of you and Ron”. For these friends thank you for not forgetting that we are still making our way through the biggest trial of our life. This week will mark 3 months since Elijah’s life and passing. I can tell you that we are doing well, we are still hit with moments of sorrow and sadness. I see this with everyone, one of the kids will remember something or see something or hear something that reminds them of our special little boy Eli. Paige heard the song “I couldn’t ask for more” and said “mommy when I hear this song I think of how you sang this to Eli in the hospital, I think of how you were happy and held his hand while you sang it” Funny I  totally remembered that as soon as she said it. At church “son of God” was sung and it was the first time I heard it in our amazing congregation since Elijah’s funeral. I will tell you tears rolled down my checks and I felt peace knowing Elijah has been adopted by God, and his brother is Jesus. My counselor said not to put too much pressure on myself because I am still fragile even though I am walking into the light.

A friend of mine has been posting about a young girl who is a dear friend to her and her fight after being involved in a hit and run, however she was on her bike and left. The parents of Zion and Jenna herself have been keeping us up to date on Zion’s fight however for me I feel like I may understand what Zion’s parents are feeling. Praying for life but knowing it is not in your will but his. Being at Mercy. They describe the roller coaster ride and I remember being on the same ride. However when I finally stepped off my roller coaster ride in many ways I wished I wasn’t forced off, I would have rode it forever if it meant holding my boy and nursing him, or even for one more day of hope. Though I pray to never ride it again, I did treasure the time I was on it. Zion is doing better but no one knows the outcome yet so we should all say a little prayer for a full recovery for Zion.

I do want to say I can see the goodness and it is headed in our direction:) Time may heal all wounds but it is not from forgetting it is from accepting.