It has been 6 weeks since we lost Elijah Thomas. Still just speaking or writing his beautiful name brings so many emotions, joy, tears, the throat tightening, sorrow, love, oh the list could go on and on. I realize I will always feel this way, this is a pain that will never cease it will just become a part of who I am. His loss will help me love more, be more compassionate towards others, he just makes me a better person all around. I realized the other day you never know what the person walking down the street or sitting next to you on a plane is going through.
When I traveled last month I sat next to a nice woman who was pregnant. I saw her reading her books on baby names and child birth. After a while and working courage up in myself I asked if she was expecting. She said yes and it was her first baby. After talking more I told her about Elijah and explained his heart defect, and passing. This was a hard thing to share with a woman so excited about the birth of her first baby, i’m sure she was already worried or not at all and i threw a kink in her thoughts. Things just unfolded, she asked many questions leading to this. After I shared with her my experience she told me the baby she was carrying had a thick Nuchal Fold and they had also found out at their 11 week appointment. This is where it became very difficult I did not want to worry her any worse but this was also what happened to us with Elijah. Everyone knows how our story turned out. We talked about God and Faith. It was such a small world I think God put us together on purpose. Maybe so I could give support or so she had someone to talk to, I don’t know the reason but it happened.
Other things also happened over the week. I worked up enough strength to pack away Elijah’s beautiful nursery. This was the one thing I dreaded. If i even told someone about the notion of packing his sweet bedding and stuffed owl away I would cry. But the time came I knew I was ready I didn’t cry but I folded each item and packed it with care as I played music of healing in the back ground and sang out as I went. The song I remember most was Kari Jobe singing “Find you on my knees”. When I was done I hung the beautiful portraits of Elijah that my cousin Shannon had made for me and that hung at Eli’s funeral.
I am proud of myself and feel like I am grieving in a healthy way and can only say this comes from my faith. I feel God lifting me when I am weak.
I will leave of a few pictures of Elijah’s sweet nursery.