Life as normal

So we left off in the Elijah story with finding out that Eli was perfect chromosomally and that he was a boy. Next we had to wait until I was around 20 weeks gestation at this point I would be receiving what is called a level two ultrasound. This type of ultrasound is more-detailed and gives the doctors crucial information about what’s going on with the baby. For example, it can measure the size of the fetus and evaluate your baby’s major organs to make sure they’ve formed properly. I had received the CVS results in mid November and had to wait until December 22nd to have the next set of news.

Life went on as normal as possible, for everyone living in the house they went to work and school, hung out with friends, watched TV, and played. I tried to do this also, let life go on. However unlike ever before in my pregnancy’s I was constantly worried. I was worried everyday about having a late term miscarriage, I worried the Cystic Hygroma was growing and that he would be covered in this sac of fluid and it would kill him. I was constantly calling to run any test that would help us find out any information about the baby boy. Now knowing the baby was a boy and how happy Ron was I felt extra pressure to carry the baby the best I could and give him the son. I would pray for relief for anxiety. I prayed for the baby’s Cystic Hygroma to shrink. I prayed for the baby boy to grow into a happy, healthy adult. I prayed his little heart would continue to beat. I prayed for strength, I prayed for sleep to stay strong. Again prayers were never ceasing. As I drove for work, when I ate, when my mind wanted to be still, in the morning at night, I prayed. I didn’t let anyone know how scared I was. I was afraid to go to the doctors alone. At thanksgiving my Aunt Camille asked how I was doing, she had come close for a little hug and it was only the two of us standing in the kitchen at my other Aunts house. She was by my ear and just warmly asked “how are you? I have been thinking of you and the little guy.” just this simple question and thought made me start to cry.I said I was OK, which obviously I wasn’t as tears stung my eyes and dripped down my checks. The lump in my throat so great words could not come out. She hugged me and didn’t ask or say anymore, then turned and walked away. I stood by the coffee pot wishing the tears away so no one else would see me. I felt alone , I felt like no one knew what was going on in me, I hadn’t even fully shared this news with Ron, Wendy, Shannon, or my mom. Yes  they a knew just enough but not all of it. I wanted no one else to worry, I wanted everyone to act like I was carrying a healthy baby just like my other three had been. I didn’t want people to act or think I was different, so I kept it all in.

Wendy went with me to a quick scan of the baby at Dr Maser’s office. I asked the ultrasound technician to measure the baby’s Cystic Hygroma at this appointment. I was so scared what we would see, immediately I could see it was smaller. I said it looks smaller! The technician agreed it did but she was measuring. The hygroma had measured a 5.2 in length, she told me it was now a 3.8.  I cried, and cried, I turned to Wendy and cried while I looked at her and said it is smaller. The baby was wiggling, kicking and turning all over he looked completely healthy. I walked out of the ultrasound room and my friend Bridget who was also pregnant sat in the waiting room and I was so proud I showed her the pictures from the ultrasound. I felt like I could name my beautiful baby now!!!