I often think about Elijah’s story and from the beginning I know it has always been full of ups and downs, twists and turns. I felt as though I might go back and write my way through his story. Feel free to keep following or to stop, I am writing for myself in hopes of healing.
Tuesday September 13, 2011
I wake up early around 6am to go to the bathroom, I am suspicious I may be pregnant because I am a week late, but I have taken pregnancy test after pregnacy test, I am now on # 5 this morning (without a positive result) but I take the test anyways. I set the stick on the sink and go to feed the dog and let him out. I start to head upstairs to lay back down with Ron, it has been a long couple of days Ron’s Nunu isn’t doing very well and we had been in Lansing for a long weekend to see Nunu and family. I then remember the stick in the bathroom I go in and look at it, this time I see a faint second line. I turn on the light and go by the window where the sun is coming up, yes I see the pale line showing up! I have a nervous stomach instantly, it has been 6 years since I’ve been pregnant and I feel nervous, excited, and eleated! I go up to our bed where I climd on Ron. I am stradling him and kiss his face, “honey you are going to be a daddy” I say as I kiss him awake. He smiles and seems a little in shock “It better be a boy” he states. I say “it is a boy, I know it, he better be healthy and happy”. Ron rolls me over and we stay laying together, me tucked into his side. We both are in silent contemplation, realizing our lives are about to change for the better. Ron is holding me and I can feel him breath, feel his heart and I feel safe and loved. The kids start rumbling about downstairs and I am up and kiss Ron and go to do breakfast, comb hair, pack lunches, and backpacks.
I am in the kitchen working on lunches when Ron comes in with red eyes, I think for just a moment “what is wrong?” I realize Nunu has passed. Ron said “My Nunu died this morning that was my mom, he went peacefully and even kissed my Nana before he let go, mom was there.” I hug Ron and think, how can we go from getting such wonderful exciting news to such sad news in 10 minutes? I then think, I know this baby is a boy for sure now and he will be guided by his great Nunu. I hold Ron as he cries and Ryan comes in and sees Ron crying and she hugs his legs with sorrow for Ronnie hurting. Ron and I are now in private and he states “he doesn’t want to tell anyone we are going to have a baby until later so everyone can celebrate his Nunu’s life and mourn properly”, I say “ok”.
It is hard in the Celentino family to hide pregnancy because everyone sees everything. This is a group of 4 older sisters and 2 younger brothers, and all are extremly intelligent, highly educated, very intuitive people. I am going to have to be very good to keep this a secret. The party starts and we don’t just mourn and grieve the loss of our “head of the board” we also celebrate an amazing long life. We have a get together at Suzie’s and their are great memory’s being shared, pictures being passed, as well as wine and shots. Which in this family only makes sense because Nunu was the long time owner of a local restraunt and bar. I keep turning down the, wine, and shots as they pass by me, everyone is asking “why isn’t Tera drinking?” I just say “I have to drive back to Royal Oak and so, no I can’t have any”. We are dancing to “we are family” and singing. Kavi turns and whispers in my ear “no even a sip?” I respond “No” she says “your pregnant” I say “yes, but it is not the right time to tell” she understands.
We have Nunu’s funeral the next day and are surrounded by our amazing family and friends and still keep our precious little secrect between us (also now Kavi 🙂
6 responses to “From the Beginning”
Tera, count me in as a reader. Your story will help you heal and believe it or not help the rest of us too. We all fell in love with your little miracle boy and want to share in his story. Death seems so final and yet it really isn’t. Someday you will see Elijah again. His “story” will never be over, it will live in many hearts forever. Love you sweetie. Sherrie
Loving this story. I, too, know pain followed by joy :o] Look forward to reading more…the happy and the sad.
I can’t stop reading! I love the story of Elijah. A brave little man who lives in all of our hearts. You should consider compiling your blogs into a book, not only for you, but for those who have and will experience a sick child, the loss of a child, and the joy and fear that encompasses it all. I know I would buy your book! Everyone can relate on some level.
Tera, there are so many things I want to tell you, but know this. You are a beautiful writer. For me writing is my healing process. I hope in these entries you will be able to not only heal your heart but help heal someone else’s that has struggled internally. You are so very courageous to share your words, emotions and tears. Perhaps someday, your blog will be a published book. Either way, I will forever be change by Elijah’s legacy. .
I look forward to reading as well. You have a beautful way of putting words together. Keep writing, keep healing.
As I read your blogs with tears streaming down my face, I’m moved by your inner strength and deep faith. I would be touched to read more of your writing. You and your family are in my prayers.