The Dream

So after the funeral Ronnie and I went back to my parents and spent the night, I haven’t slept more than 4 hours since Elijah has been born. My mind races, I am in constant prayer and or reflection, it just can’t let go. I feel sadness, I feel grief, I feel hope, and I feel guilt. This night I finally am able to rest I have maybe more closeure having just had the funeral.

I am praying in my head and all of the sudden I am back in the hospital with Ronnie. I am in the “Bullpin” I am running through looking for Elijah I can feel him, I know he is here. I pull back a curtain and here is my perfect baby. He has no tubes hooked to him, he is just laying in the crib, kicking his feet and smiling up at me, he knows who I am. He has a white gown I bought for his baptism on. He has dark brown hair, brown eyes, chubby little cheeks, his lips are full and beautiful. I pick him up and hold him to my chest hugging him so tight, Iam telling him I love him and I don’t understand how he is healed, but crying that he is, I am telling Ron he is healed look at him he is perfect, Thank god, It was a nightmare he was never sick he is perfect, Thank god. I wake up so happy, filled with so much peace and joy I can hardly contain myself, I turn to tell Ron that Elijah is not sick he is healed and it was just a bad dream. Reality hits as I am turning to wake Ron up it was all a dream, I have the most crushing feeling in my chest. I reach out and hold Ron and cry myself back to sleep.

I wake up and wonder if my dream was God telling me Elijah is perfect now and he does know who I am that he is waiting for me to hold him.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “The Dream

  1. Sarah Cole

    Half way through this blog, my first thought was, “Elijah is telling Tera that he is healthy and happy with God and he is watching over her.” You said that in the end of the blog.. and I think that’s true!

  2. Holly Corr

    One day, that dream WILL be real. I keep thinking of the lyrics “when I go, don’t cry for me, in my Father’s arms I’ll be…the wounds this world left on my soul will all be healed and I’ll be whole…sun and moon will be replaced with the light of Jesus’ face….and I will not be ashamed for my Savior knows my name….and it don’t matter where you bury me….cuz I’ll be home and I’ll be free….and it don’t matter where I lay…all my tears be washed away.

    So, weep not for me my friends…when my time below does end…for my life belongs to Him….Who will raise the dead again.

    Until then, I know there must be a giant whole in your heart that will ache for Eli. But hold on to this truth: death is not the end.

  3. Shannon Vlasic

    I thought the same thing reading this! Elijah IS healed. He is home. He IS healthy and happy and safe… And you will hold him again someday. While it feels so long here on earth, heaven is eternity. I love what Holly wrote. Beautiful.

    The pain doesn’t go away… My grandparents lost my aunt when she was 47, and I will never forget stopping over to visit and seeing my grandpa sobbing silently to himself on his front porch because he missed her so much… YEARS after she had passed. Children are not “supposed” to go before their parents. God had huge plans for Elijah though, or he wouldn’t have put him earth-side in the first place… And he certainly wouldn’t have taken him back so soon.

    I am so sorry for your pain, Tera. I wish I could take it all from you…

  4. Jodi

    I do think that’s exactly what God wanted to show you. The He has Eli and he is perfect, healthy, happy and with Him!!!

  5. Kim

    What an awesome God we serve! He has ways of reaching us so we know our loved ones are safe. You entrusted Elijah to him and it is fitting that he is in his baptismal gown, as that would have been the day you dedicated him back to the Lord. I will continue to pray for you for strength and rest and mostly peace.

    In Him
    Kim

  6. Sherrie Nunheimer

    Wow Tera, I believe God did send a very special message. Not many of us get those or at least we don’t recognize them. Elijah was perfect and still is in Heaven with God. His soul is safe. As I said before his purpose on Earth was finished before we would think it should be but it is in Gods perfect time not ours. It’s ok to be sad you miss your baby. Take comfort in knowing others, myself included are feeling the loss of him too, even though we never met him. Love you. Sherrie

  7. Roseanne

    It is without a doubt a gift from God, Elijah healed. I have a Down Syndrome sister and once – years ago – my mom had a dream/vision of my sister as she would look without her handicap. I have never forgotten my mother telling me about it. Moments like this are from God – absolutely. My heart goes out to you and your family for your loss. Know that your baby has a kind of wholenedd that was not possible for him here on earth but you have been given a glimpse of him as God intended for you to see him.

  8. I’m sorry that was just a dream but so glad you were able to see that!

  9. stacy estes

    i have had dreams like that and i do believe that is god letting us know our babies are ok.

  10. Rebecca A

    Yes. That is what it is telling you. Elijah is happy, healthy and beautiful and waiting for you in heaven. He will always be with you. Prayers for you…

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