Waiting

Here we sit in the waiting room trying to focus on anything but what is happening.I hear the murmur of everything from talk about the girls dance recital, to not liking nuts in bake goods, it’s just weird.  I write, I wait, don’t think, don’t think, I write.

Last night we went to our new home the Ronald McDonald house feeling exhausted from being at the hospital all day. The emotional toll of talking about Eli’s surgery could wear you down alone but we are all faced with waiting to hear from the neurologists, cardiologists, surgeons,  Kidney function, we hear mortality rates, recovery times, the list goes on and on. I think when my head hits the pillow I wont wake up until I feel a certain sting letting me know it’s time to pump, I was wrong. I pray and pray. I pray for Elijah to know what it’s like to feel the comfort of me holding him, I pray he will laugh, that he will play with his his siblings, I pray he will know god, I pray he will use his struggles to teach of god one day, I pray we go on vacation, I pray for god to use Dr Bove to heal my son, I pray for gods will, I pray and pray, all night. 5:00 am I’m up, I need my son, I need to see him and hear him, I know I will hold him. I wake up Ron and I wait for him to shower and I’m on my knees again I pray for peace, I pray for strength, I pray for god to hold me.

Allison our nurse is waiting for us to get to the hospital she is going to let us hold Elijah for the 1st time ever since he was born. I am ready they place his tiny body in my arms, I cry. Tears stream down my face and drip onto my boy. He can hear my heart, he seems peaceful, he tries to open his eyes and look at me. I hold him, I sing to him, I smile and tune out all the monitors and IV’s And all I see is my miracle boy. Ron holds him, I treasure seeing daddy at peace with Eli, looking into his eyes holding his hand. For a brief moment everything feels perfect. Then Jenn our nurse says it’s time to get him ready, they lay Elijah back on the bed for transport, it is like Elijah knows something is happening his eyes are opening and he is looking around. I am there I tell him, I love him and he is strong and I’m waiting, I tell him over and over. We love you strong boy, god is holding you…they leave. I am standing their trying to fight tears I pick up my things and I move to wait.

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12 Comments

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12 responses to “Waiting

  1. Sarah

    Well this entry has definitely put some tears in my eyes! I am so happy that you got to hold Elijah today. I’m sure he loved it, too. I’m thinking of Elijah and your family today as he goes through his surgery.

  2. Sherrie Nunheimer

    I am praying and praying and praying! You all have been on my mind since I woke up this morning. Thank you for the updates. He is such a beautiful baby boy! Yes Ron, boys can be beautiful 🙂 God is with you all!
    Love you, Sherrie Nunheimer

  3. Toby Heaton

    Tera,
    Your writing is unbelievably eloquent and touching. I think everyone feels as though they are right there with Eli, you and the family. We are all waiting with you and
    look forward to hearing great news. No matter what happens, Eli is lucky to have you and Ron as his parents. Hang in there!

  4. Shana

    Tears in my eyes and a smile on my heart…happy tears for you and Ron and getting to hold baby E. Nothing but prayers prayers and more prayers for a safe surgery. I LOVE YOU ALL! xo Stay strong!

  5. kerry boomershine-whitbeck

    Praying for you and your entire family!

  6. Sam and Amy Celentino

    God Bless you all, we are all wishing and hoping for the best for Eli. He is in good hands, both in the surgeons and God.
    God Bless!

  7. Victoria

    I don’t know if you remember me, I used to work with Christy at Gymboree. Just want you to know that I am thinking about and praying for your sweet boy. He is in the best of hands there!

  8. Jody Francis

    What a precious baby boy! So glad that you and Ron were able to hold your little miracle this morning. We pray God holds Elijah in his mighty hands today. Your family has been in our prayers constantly since I read your blog yesterday for the first time. Tera, your post today was amazing…a beautiful expression of a Mom’s love and devotion. Praying, praying praying all goes well today. That the Father guides the surgeon’s hands as they heal baby Elijah’s heart. We love you guys! May God give you his strength and peace during the coming days.
    Love, Jody

  9. Colleen rocha

    Ive been praying for you guys and can’t wait to hear the positive results from the surgery

  10. Cecilia

    We are all there with you and sending you our energy. Life is such an amazing thing that so many of us take for granted. How beautiful that you know that every minutes is precious. Thinking of you all today.

  11. Cheryl and Jim

    We are all praying so much. Eli is a very strong boy. So glad you finally got to hold him. He feels your love and God will continue to give him strength. All our love!

  12. Renee

    Tera and Ron my heart is breaking for you both. Patrick and I are praying together everyday. Patrick is telling everyone about his cousin. Thanks for the beautiful words you share with all of us. We love you! And we can’t get you out of our

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